Maitri India Helps Abandoned Widows Regain Their Dignity
Besides food and shelter, the non-profit helps women gain a sense of belonging, identity and respect despite being shunned by society.
It’s just daybreak, but 66-year-old Bijauli Modi Maiya is already among swells of devotees coursing through Vrindavan, circling sacred sites associated with the Hindu god Krishna. Her fingers work her prayer beads, as she navigates the crowd with her fellow widows.
The women are fervently observing a ritual to attain a deeper spiritual connection with the deity, who represents compassion, protection and love. He’s believed to have spent his childhood in this pilgrimage city, where many now seek solace and refuge after being forsaken by their loved ones.
“I came here looking for peace and to seek Krishna,” says Bijauli.
Home to an estimated 20,000 widows — many of them elderly and destitute — Vrindavan is three hours from Delhi, India, by car. Women converge here after experiencing familial abandonment and at times, societal stigma. Some traditionalist beliefs in parts of conservative Hindu communities in India hold that women who have lost their husbands are considered diminished, because they “failed to retain their souls.”
India’s traditional joint family system approach — one that cared for its elders — is in decline. The country’s National Family Health Survey from 2019 to 2021 shows that nuclear families accounted for 58.2 per cent of total households. Not to mention, the COVID-19 pandemic placed a strain on families’ finances, diminishing their ability to care for their elders.
With these changes, more elderly widows are finding themselves in vulnerable situations.
A woman sleeping on the streets of Vrindavan with just a mosquito net for protection.
A woman sleeping on the streets of Vrindavan with just a mosquito net for protection.
India's holy city of Vrindavan is home to many destitute widows who solicit alms for survival.
India's holy city of Vrindavan is home to many destitute widows who solicit alms for survival.
Widows throng the city's streets visiting holy sites during Hindu festivals.
Widows throng the city's streets visiting holy sites during Hindu festivals.
Like many others, Bijauli found her way to Vrindavan due to economic reasons, among others. A year after her husband passed away, her son with whom she lived got married. “I began to feel I was being eased out of my son’s life by his in-laws, as they wanted to take over our property,” she shares.
The breaking point came when Bijauli invested her life savings in shares, only to lose them in a crash. She began working as a housekeeper at a nurse’s hostel to make ends meet. But it became increasingly difficult to work when her health deteriorated following a stomach tumour operation.
This further soured her difficult relationship with her son and his wife, who themselves are impoverished. The simmering tension led to domestic violence. While they did not explicitly tell her to leave, Bijauli nonetheless felt like an unwelcome burden.
One day, she caught a live telecast of a spiritual guru offering to shelter widows in Vrindavan, and caught the first train she could to the city. There, she was directed to an ashram called Maitri Ghar, where she eventually settled down in 2022 .
Maitri India's founder Winnie Singh (centre) established her ashram as a safe haven for elderly widows who have been abandoned by their loved ones.
Maitri India's founder Winnie Singh (centre) established her ashram as a safe haven for elderly widows who have been abandoned by their loved ones.
The ashram's residents find solace in daily rituals such as religious song and dance.
The ashram's residents find solace in daily rituals such as religious song and dance.
The ashram was established under Maitri India, a non-governmental organisation that works to uplift vulnerable communities, in 2008.
Back then, the sight of women begging on the streets of Vrindavan and fighting over alms to survive provoked its founder, Winnie Singh, to help them. A dedicated social worker who worked towards the prevention of HIV and violence against women in the slums of Delhi, she first visited the city on a trip with a rotary club to distribute groceries.
“I began wondering why a mother has to beg, as every woman has a right to food, dignity and respect,” recalls Winnie.
She started out supporting the widows by providing them with meals and free healthcare. Then, in 2012, she was invited to share about her cause on the popular television talk show Satyamev Jayate, hosted by Bollywood superstar Aamir Khan. The publicity, as well as a generous land donation from a philanthropic organisation, enabled them to establish two ashrams where they now accommodate some 150 women. Another 250 visit the ashrams regularly for meals and medical care.
They only take in abandoned widows over the age of 60, as “they are totally disadvantaged with no source of income and left to fend for themselves.”
Mothers come in extremely hurt and conflicted, so Winnie’s aim is to help these seniors gain a sense of identity and dignity to brighten their twilight years. She contends that a secure, familial environment makes each mother feel validated. Maitri’s staff are trained to be cognisant of their ailments, mental states, likes, dislikes and quirks.
Mothers come in extremely hurt and conflicted, so Winnie’s aim is to help these seniors gain a sense of identity and dignity to brighten their twilight years. She contends that a secure, familial environment makes each mother feel validated. Maitri’s staff are trained to be cognisant of their ailments, mental states, likes, dislikes and quirks.
Bijauli Modi Maiya (right) receives care and moral support from Maitri's staff members.
Bijauli Modi Maiya (right) receives care and moral support from Maitri's staff members.
Through regular counselling, art workshops, excursions and daily activities such as yoga, Maitri tries to draw them out of their shells, thereby helping them start the healing process.
To ensure they get sufficient exercise, staff nurse Rekha leads her charges in yoga sessions in the courtyard each morning. While some push themselves hard, those who can’t bend their bodies due to aches adapt their moves on a raised platform, watched by others who are tired out.
Living on Society's Fringes
Moving into an unfamiliar environment surrounded by strangers isn’t always plain sailing. Winnie shares that the most challenging aspect of running the ashram is holding the peace among a group of women from diverse backgrounds.
“These elderly women often behave like children, bickering over switching on the light too early,” Winnie shares. Bijauli has experienced her fair share of such disagreements with her roommate, whom she says is prone to bouts of irritation.
“They do fight but forget just as fast,” says Rekha, who often finds herself playing referee.
Beyond the trivial squabbles though, it’s the lingering sense of anxiety that can underscore their time at Maitri. Many of the women spent their lives raising their children and bearing the load of household work without an income, leaving them without recourse to financial support after becoming estranged from their families. “I can’t sleep. I worry about what will happen to me,” Bijauli shares.
Each week, Bijauli visits the Bhajan ashram (a spiritual retreat dedicated to devotional music), where some 300 widows from across Vrindavan are paid a small token to chant devotional songs. She uses her meagre earnings to pay for a specific medicine she prefers to treat the persistent pain in her waist.
Women practise communal living at Maitri India's ashram.
Women practise communal living at Maitri India's ashram.
Sharing living quarters with strangers at Maitri India can be challenging.
Sharing living quarters with strangers at Maitri India can be challenging.
Owing to their advanced age, many of Maitri’s residents suffer from chronic health problems such as diabetes and high blood pressure. Without a social safety net, they’re unable to afford their treatment, which Maitri fully sponsors.
Maitri holds medical camps for the women, and it was during such a session that Bijauli’s cataract was detected. She subsequently underwent an operation, and also receives regular check-ups by an in-house general practitioner.
“At least 45 per cent of the women here have had cataract surgeries in both eyes and are frequently in the hospital for stomach issues such as acid reflux,” shares Winnie, who adds that the organisation has yet to obtain medical insurance for its beneficiaries.
Winnie shares that medical expenses are steep, as some of the women have to be escorted to bigger cities such as Delhi and Agra for treatment, owing to a lack of adequate healthcare in Vrindavan.
Despite the high costs, Winnie works to ensure that the women receive the treatment they require. Her organisation welcomes public donations to help them cope with the women’s medical bills.
Giving Women a Voice
In addition to an inability to afford their own healthcare, many of the women are either unaware of or lack access to their legal rights.
A key aspect of Maitri’s work is advocating for the entitlements of these women, many of whom are illiterate. They’ve successfully helped Bijauli to apply for her pension under the National Social Assistance Programme that supports widows living below the poverty line.
Yet, their work isn’t always cut and dry. When Winnie offered to help a lady challenge her son in court over a property dispute, she was told: “People will accept a son who beats up his mother but not a mother who kicks out her son.”
But change is afoot. Maitri endeavours to help the women gain a sense of agency by earning an income.
With the help of a friend who is a designer, she’s trained some women to stitch bags that are sold to the public. She also has plans to have the women craft block-printed stoles.
In the same vein of overturning stigmas in certain quarters of society and rebuilding the women’s sense of identity, Maitri encourages them to celebrate festivals such as Holi and Diwali. While some may consider this to be inauspicious, Maitri is determined to bring joy and agency to the women.
The women even participate in the ritual of smearing one another’s faces with sindoor (red cosmetic powder), a tradition that symbolises the power of womanhood in protecting her husband and children from all evil.
Their efforts to challenge such superstitions are engendering change in a country where the welfare of widows is increasingly being championed, thanks to a raft of government and non-governmental programmes plus shifting attitudes.
“When I first visited Vrindavan in 2008, widows were considered to be untouchables. But that changed once we allowed people to visit the ashram,” shares Winnie. “These days, newly married couples come here to receive blessings from the widows.”
Maitri India organises regular outings, including pilgrimages, for its elderly beneficiaries.
Maitri India organises regular outings, including pilgrimages, for its elderly beneficiaries.
Besides food and shelter, the women also find companionship among one another at the ashram.
Besides food and shelter, the women also find companionship among one another at the ashram.
A New Lease of Life
Despite their at times estranged relationships with their loved ones, many mothers at Maitri nonetheless pray that their sons will perform their last rites when they pass on. This includes burning their funeral pyres. Hindus believe that this will ensure their salvation in the afterlife.
As such, Maitri’s staff works towards reconciling beneficiaries with their children through counselling sessions. They have funded kin’s visits to the ashram, and successfully reunited eight widows with their families.
Bijauli, for instance, has just returned from a month’s stay at her son’s home. “I was there for my granddaughter’s birthday celebrations and every morning she would insist I fetch her to school,” she says proudly.
While she continues to rebuild relationships with her family, she, like many others, have found companionship here. “It feels good to go to the Bhajan ashram with the other ladies, chatting and singing with them. I feel blessed,” she says.
For some, Maitri is a backdrop for poignant friendships. These include Nirmal Huria, who, in her early days in the ashram, would sit quietly for hours looking out the window.
When her roommate, Savita, arrived, they immediately bonded over listening to devotional songs and have been inseparable ever since. Their beds are positioned next to one another, with both their clothes stored under Savita’s bed.
The only person Nirmal talks about from her past is her loving husband, who taught her how to wear a sari. Savita is quick to interject that she still doesn’t do a good job of it, and she has to help her. “Maybe I was meant to come to the ashram so I could meet her,” shares Savita.
There may soon be more individuals like Bijauli seeking assistance at Maitri. Today’s relatively young India is predicted to turn into a rapidly ageing society by 2050, with the elderly population expected to double by then.
With women having a higher life expectancy than men, more will likely be widowed.
Maitri, which has served more than a million meals to widows, is determined to continue supporting them. Its “Feed a Widow Mother” initiative encourages the public to help fund the beneficiaries’ meals. The organisation also runs donation drives for programmes such as active ageing, and even financially supporting a widow, thus helping to enable a more altruistic society.
Maitri India provides meals for many non-resident widows in Vrindavan.
Maitri India provides meals for many non-resident widows in Vrindavan.
“We want to foster compassion. We want to teach them that life is valuable and an elderly person is not someone to be discarded, but assets who can connect you to your culture.”
Importantly, they also strive to ensure that the younger generation can contribute to these efforts, by promoting intergenerational bonding through visits by students.
“We want to foster compassion. We want to teach them that life is valuable and an elderly person is not to be discarded, but an asset who can connect you to your culture,” asserts Winnie.
Thankfully, Bijauli has found the solace she sought when she first came to Vrindavan in Maitri. “I like that I am able to pray here. I feel safe and secure,” she concludes.
Credits
Writer & Photographer / Ruhani Kaur
Executive Producer & Content Designer / Cara Yap
Built with Shorthand